So, Birkins, right? Everyone and their dog (if their dog’s rich enough, obvs) seems to be obsessed. But like, WHY? Okay, okay, lemme explain my (slightly unhinged) perspective.
First off, the exclusivity. It’s ridiculous. You can’t just waltz into a Hermes store and be like, “Gimme a Birkin, please and thank you.” Oh no, honey. You gotta *earn* it. Spend a buttload of money on other stuff first, maybe become chummy with a sales associate (think *Legally Blonde* but with exponentially more designer logos), and *then* maybe, just maybe, you’ll get offered the chance to buy one. It’s honestly kinda… shady? But hey, plays into the whole “I’m better than you” vibe that apparently people crave.
Then there’s the craftsmanship. I gotta admit, these bags are built to last. Seriously, you could probably survive a nuclear apocalypse with a Birkin as your shelter (don’t quote me on that, though). The leather is top-notch, the stitching is impeccable, and the whole thing just screams “expensive.” But is it *worth* the price tag? That’s where I get all philosophical and stuff. I mean, you could buy a small car for the price of some of these things. A *car*! You can drive a car. You can’t, like, drive a Birkin. (Unless you’re really, really creative, I guess?)
And speaking of price tags, oh my god, the resale market is INSANE. We’re talking double, triple, even *quadruple* the original price for some of the rarer colors and leathers. It’s basically an investment piece, which, honestly, feels weird. Like, are you buying a bag to carry your lipstick and keys, or are you buying it as a down payment on a second house? I get it, supply and demand and all that jazz, but still… it feels a little… icky.
Okay, gotta ramble a bit about the different types ’cause, honestly, it’s a whole subculture. You got your classic Togo leather, which is like, the reliable, everyday Birkin. Then there’s Epsom, which is more structured and scratch-resistant. And don’t even get me started on the exotics – crocodile, alligator, ostrich… I’m not even gonna pretend I understand the ethical implications of that stuff. It just feels… extra. Like, “I’m so rich I can afford to wear dead reptiles on my arm” extra.
Sometimes I wonder, are these people actually *using* their Birkins? Or are they just keeping them in pristine condition, locked away in a climate-controlled closet, only to be brought out for Instagram photos? The thought of not using something so beautiful (and expensive!) just makes me sad. Like, a bag is meant to be used, right? To carry your stuff, to get a little beat up, to tell a story. Not to be a museum piece.
